Waiting For Rain
by Gwendolyn James
Summary: He would enjoy this moment and the feel of her hand in his – then, he would walk away. Today was all they had. It was all he would allow himself to have. One-shot.


Disclaimer: I had a dream that JKR sold me the HP empire for ten dollars... I have to keep reminding myself that it was only a dream...

A/N: This long-awaited fic is dedicated to Ri, Elf, Meg, Slim, Izzy, Jacki, and Siri - finally some good H/G luuuurve!

* * *

Harry ignored the cheering crowd as he headed to the Gryffindor team's locker room. He'd caught the Snitch again – _Hoorah_, he thought to himself – but it didn't matter. Not even Quidditch made him happy anymore. He never thought he'd see the day when flying brought no joy, but that was exactly what was happening. He just didn't care. He didn't care about Quidditch. He didn't care about school. He didn't care about anything. He was just going to murder or be murdered in the end, so what was the point? He had lived with this knowledge for nearly two years, and his heart – his very soul – had become hard. Empty. Lifeless. 

He changed out of his Quidditch robes and left the locker room before anyone else could come in – he just wanted to be alone.

* * *

Ginny watched him go with a heavy heart. His shoulders were slumped, his eyes devoid of any emotion, his very steps weighed down by the pressures life had forced upon him. 

Her heart broke at the sight.

It wasn't fair – it simply wasn't fair that Harry had to suffer every day while the rest of them were able to live normal lives. She wished she could take his place – she would do it in an instant if it were possible – anything but see the pain in his eyes day after day.

Leaving her broomstick in the locker room, Ginny turned and followed him across the grounds. When he finally stopped and sat at the edge of the lake, Ginny took her place beside him without a word.

* * *

Harry felt her presence before he actually saw her. He would have told her to go away, but he knew she wouldn't have listened anyway. Instead, they sat in comfortable silence, staring out at the smooth water, until she reached out and took his hand. 

He looked up and saw in her eyes the truth he'd known all along – she loved him and would stay by him no matter what happened. He gently squeezed her hand in thanks – it was the most precious gift she could give him.

He wished he could return it.

He had loved her ever since she'd shown her courage and determination on the day that – well, on the day they went to the Department of Mysteries. It had started out as a small thing – just an infatuation, really – but it had grown so much and was now so much a part of him that he couldn't escape it.

And he wanted to escape it, he really did, because he knew that nothing could ever come of it. Yes, he loved her, and she loved him, but he was destined to try and save the world and most likely die in the process. He couldn't put her through that.

Instead, he would enjoy this moment and the feel of her hand in his – then, he would walk away. Today was all they had. It was all he would allow himself to have.

* * *

He was avoiding her. 

It had been nearly two weeks since they'd sat together by the lake, and they hadn't spoken since. At first she had written it off as a part of his moodiness of late – she hadn't wanted to force him to talk when he obviously didn't want to – but now she could no longer deny that something was wrong.

Ginny watched him playing chess with her brother. She could tell that he wasn't really focused on the game, but Ron didn't seem to notice. In fact, no one in the Common Room seemed aware of Harry's pain except her. It was a tangible thing in her mind, and when he looked up at her, she saw it in his eyes.

Along with something else.

The force of what she saw hit her like a ton of bricks. He was doing this for her. He was walking away from her for her own good.

Her temper flared, and then just as quickly eased again. She knew she shouldn't be surprised – it was a part of who he was, this saving-people thing – but it hurt just the same. It hurt that he didn't trust her to make her own decision. It hurt that he felt the need to walk away from her at all. It hurt that he wouldn't let her share his pain.

She knew that he loved her – it was in his eyes every time he looked at her. But he had held back, sacrificing what could have been. It was his way of protecting her, but in the end he was breaking her heart.

* * *

He caught her eye and, for a brief moment, let her see everything in his heart. 

_I'm sorry. Forgive me. I love you._

All things he didn't dare to say out loud, for if he allowed himself even one tiny moment of vulnerability, he would crumble.

He turned away, wincing at the pain in his chest as he broke the fragile strands of contact between them. He didn't know how much longer he could do this. Just seeing her look at him that way was enough to drive him mad. He needed her like he needed air, but he couldn't have her. He just couldn't.

"Harry."

He looked up in surprise – he hadn't felt her coming this time. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words wouldn't come.

She continued. "May I have a word?"

_Say no,_ he instructed his rebellious heart. _Tell her no and walk away._ But he felt himself nodding and following her out into the empty corridor. His legs seemed to have a mind of their own – they wouldn't let him run away from what was inevitably coming.

Harry steeled himself for her anger and prepared himself to take it like a man.

* * *

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes – she couldn't look at him, not yet. "I need to say something, Harry, and I need you to listen without interrupting or I may not get through it." Another breath. "I know what you're doing. I know that you're avoiding me because you want to protect me – you think that your death would hurt me if we allowed ourselves to fall in love." Her chin quivered. "But it's too late. I've already fallen in love with you, and if you die without ever giving us a chance, it will hurt me more than anything else in this war ever could." 

Tears were flowing silently down her cheeks and she didn't do anything to stop them. "Harry, I've been waiting for you for six long years, and I can't wait any longer, because waiting for you is like waiting for rain in the desert – useless and disappointing."

She finally looked up into his eyes and saw, to her dismay, that his mind was made up. She bit back a sob and nodded sadly. "Well, I suppose that's it then. I'm sorry it had to end this way." She turned and started to walk away, then looked back over her shoulder one last time.

"Goodbye, Harry."

* * *

She was gone. She was really gone and it was entirely his fault. He wanted to call after her, wanted to tell her he loved her and beg her to stay, but he couldn't move, couldn't speak. He was paralyzed with fear. 

He was afraid of death. He was afraid of the war. He was afraid that he had just lost the one true love he had ever known. And he would die with her believing that he didn't love her.

"No," he whispered into the silent corridor, "I won't."

He took off at a run, making his way through the castle, ignoring the shouts of the people he knocked into, ignoring everything but his goal.

Ginny.

He found her out by the lake, in the same spot where he always went to be alone, the same spot where she always found _him_. She was crying – silent tears that streamed down her cheeks – and he felt his heart shatter.

He sat down quietly beside her and took her small hand in his. She didn't say anything, but simply put her head on his shoulder and let the tears flow freely. "I'm sorry, Ginny, I'm so sorry," he said miserably. "Please forgive me."

She clung to him like a lifeline. "I just… don't… understand," she choked out. "Tell me why, Harry. Tell me why… we can't…"

He put his arm around her, pulled her close to his side, and just let her cry. He didn't know how to fix this – he didn't know how to change their circumstances. He didn't know how to be with her and protect her at the same time. Maybe it wasn't possible.

Either way, he knew he had to be honest with her. She wouldn't accept anything less.

He took a deep breath and looked down at her tear-stained face. "Ginny, I want you to know that whatever happens, I _do_ love you. That won't ever change. But I don't know how we can be together until the war is over, and I can't guarantee that I'll live through it." He swallowed around the lump in his throat. "I want to be with you, Gin, but I'm so afraid that he'll use it against us, and I would never be able to forgive myself if anything happened to you."

She raised her head and looked at him with sorrowful eyes. When she spoke, it was with the openness and honesty he had come to expect from her. "Harry, I've loved you since the first time I heard the story of the Boy Who Lived, and I've known every day since then that you were the one who would save us all."

He tried to protest, but she held up a hand. "No, Harry, don't say anything. Call it women's intuition, but I _know_ you'll win this war. Not because you're a great wizard, not because of any prophecy, but because of love. You have love, Harry, and you always will." She reached up and gently touched his cheek. "I will love you until the day I die, and not even Voldemort can take that away. He can take my life, he can take your life, but he _cannot_ take our love. It's all we have, and I'm not willing to let it go, even if you are."

Looking into her eyes, Harry knew she was right. There _were_ no guarantees in war, but true love may only come once in a lifetime, and he wasn't willing to let it go.

He put his hand over hers and pressed it against his cheek. "I love you, Ginny."

"I know," she said, her love shining through her deep brown eyes as the rain began to fall around them.

"Forgive me?"

"Always. Stay with me?"

"Always."

They sealed their promise with a kiss, and on the day that he defeated the Dark Lord, she was the one holding his hand.

FIN

* * *

A/N: Okay, so this turned out a bit more serious than I previously intended, but who cares? The line "Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in the desert - useless and disappointing" was shamelessly stolen (and slightly modified) from A Cinderella Story. Original line: "Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought - useless and disappointing." I've been wanting to use that ever since I saw the movie! ;) Okay okay, review already!  



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